


Broken Angel

by pherryt



Series: Supernatural CODA Collection [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (nearly mute anyway), 13.17 CODA, Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Learning to Trust Again, Mute Gabriel, PTSD, Sam tries to help, Season 13 spoilers, Trust, allusions to 13.18 mission but with different outcome, mention of some info from a promo spoiler for a future episode (no idea which one)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Dean's left for the Apocalypse world with Ketch in tow and now Sam is left to deal with a broken Archangel.Only, Sam hasnoidea how to help him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Notes - 
> 
> 1 - Relationships: vaguely implied Destiel. Also, can be read as either Sabriel/pre-sabriel or not, your choice  
> 2 - I see this as a standalone but am vaguely thinking of adding to it. Don't know if i ever will. we'll see what the show inspires. but for that reason, i'm marking this closed.
> 
> I'm sorry. I had to write something. The second I heard Gabriel's little whimper when Asmodeus pushed past him to usher Ketch back out, i just knew that I had to write something.
> 
> it was a challenge, though. Because partway through, my keyboard tried to break. *meep* but i persevered and here we are.

Sam stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the map room. The glowing rift mocked him out of the corner of his eye, but his gaze was glued on the dirty, frightened archangel sitting silently –  _ too _ silent – at the map table, all hunched in on himself.

The small figure, doing its best to look even smaller, was a far cry from the loud, obnoxious, ostentatious and flirty angel they’d once known.

Known might have been too strong a word. Four encounters with a being nearly as old as God himself did not experts of the Winchesters make.

But if anyone outside of Gabriel’s brethren and fellow gods knew anything about the Archangel, it would be Sam and Dean. That was small comfort to Sam as he stared at Gabriel’s nervous form.

The phone held to his ear stopped ringing and Cas’s gravelly voice replaced the sound.

“Hello, Sam.”

Sam let out a breath of relief. “Cas, awesome. I need you to drop your search for Lucifer. We don’t need him anymore. You uh… might want to get to the bunker as soon as you can, though.”

“Sam? What’s going on? Are you and Dean all right? What did he do?”

Sam nearly laughed at Cas’s assumption that Dean might have done something stupid because, well, he really had. He held back though. He had a feeling if he started laughing, it would turn hysterical all too quickly.

“Uh… honestly, just, get here fast. You’re gonna want to see this and you’ll never believe me if I tell you,” Sam insisted.

“Of course I’d believe you, “Cas said earnestly. “I’m on my way.”

The phone hung up just as the microwave dinged. Sam darted in and took the hot bowl of soup out, nearly dropping it before he could get it on the tray. He shook his fingers lightly before snagging a spoon, some bread and handful of napkins, then picked it all up and walked back out of the kitchen.

Gabriel’s eyes tracked him, wide and uneasy as Sam approached. Sam set the tray down before Gabriel, pretending not to see the way the Archangel flinched and leaned away from him.

Sitting down, he grabbed the wet wipes still on the table besides the first aid kit and the remains of Gabriel’s stitches. Sam held back a shudder. Gabriel could be a mouthy little shit, but was that really necessary?

“All right, let’s find out what kind of state you’re in. Don’t know if you need to eat but I made you chicken noodle soup. Nothing fancy, I’m afraid.” Sam shrugged. “It’s just the canned kind. But whether you need to eat or not, it might make you feel a little better. Want to give it a try?”

Sam watched Gabriel’s eyes flick from the steaming bowl then back up at Sam. Still no words came out of Gabriel’s mouth.

Resigning himself to a one-sided conversation for however long it took, Sam raised the hand with the wet wipe and watched Gabriel flinch once more.

“Easy, just gonna clean you up a bit, okay?”

Gabriel stared, then nodded, and Sam gently set to work.

“So, I don’t know how long Asmodeus had you, but if he’s been siphoning off your Grace, I can’t imagine you have all that much to spare right now. That’s why I figured for the soup and… this,” Sam waved the wipe before gently reapplying it to Gabriel’s face.

“Anyway, I don’t know how deep you were hiding before you got caught, so I don’t know what you know of what’s been going on but… I can fill you in, if you want?”

Sam raised an eyebrow at Gabriel but there was still no response, though his eyes were now locked on Sam with laser sharp focus. Sam restrained a sigh and continued to talk. How long he talked for, he wasn’t sure, before Gabriel’s hand touched Sam’s, stopping him.

In a hoarse, disused voice, Gabriel croaked. “Why?”

Sam startled at the sound of Gabriel’s voice, hurt at how badly he sounded, but pleased that he’d spoken. He furrowed his brows in confusion, as he thought about the question. “Why what?”

“Why are you being so nice to me? All I’ve ever been to you and your brother was a dick.” Gabriel’s voice cracked, but the disbelieving tone was clear.

“Not gonna lie, you’re not wrong but… you also saved the world, and you sacrificed yourself to do it. Well, so we thought anyway. Doesn’t change the fact that you  _ did _ save the world. And I can’t blame you for checking out. If I’m being honest, I did too.” Sam looked down and away, still ashamed of how he’d abandoned his brother in Purgatory.

“It’s a heavy weight,” Gabriel whispered. “Can’t shoulder it all the time.”

Looking back up at the shame in Gabriel’s voice, Sam watched the Archangel, a mere shadow of his former self, curled into himself a little further.

“Maybe we can’t. That’s why we shouldn’t shoulder them alone,” Sam pointed out.

“How long…” Gabriel’s voice choked and he stopped.

“How long… what?” Sam asked, confused again.

“How long… are you going to keep me here?” Gabriel’s voice was so low, Sam had to strain to hear it, leaning in close to catch the words. When he did, when the meaning of Gabriel’s words registered, Sam sprang back in horror.

“What? No! You’re not a prisoner, Gabriel. Look,  _ yes _ , it would make our lives a hell of a lot easier if you stuck around and helped out, but… we won’t take your Grace from you by force, and you can leave whenever you like.” Sam’s voice gentled, and he made sure to catch Gabriel’s eyes. “But you’re also welcome to stay here as long as you want. It’s fairly safe here if you’re not hiding out from God’s sister…”

“Or if you’ve got an interdimensional rift open to who knows where right in the middle of your sanctuary?” Gabriel said, a small measure of his snark sneaking back in. His voice was growing stronger, smoother, Sam was glad to note.

“Or that,” Sam conceded, his lips twitching up into a smile.

There was a short silence as the two regarded each other before Sam cleared his throat. “Look, you rebelled against Heaven’s plan and helped stop an Apocalypse, same as us.  Hell, you made it  _ possible  _ when we thought we were goners. Even though it didn’t work out quite the way we’d hoped,” Sam paused and closed his eyes against the inevitable memories.

Whatever Cas had done, he’d left behind the memories of the cage, but had somehow taken away the visceral experience of it. Sam was left with the knowledge that his time there  _ had  _ happened, but without the overwhelming insanity of it. How, he’d never be quite sure but he was damn grateful for it. Even if he wished the memories themselves were one too.

He shook his head to dislodge the memories, to bring himself back into the here and now. He hadn’t been lying when he told Rowena that such experiences stayed with you, that he’d never worked through it.

“In the end, all that matters is, it  _ worked,  _ and we wouldn’t have been able to do that without you. You’ve always had a sense of justice, even if your methods were a little twisted. The things you did to me and Dean…” Sam sighed and Gabriel’s head drooped. “Not your best moments, but in retrospect, I could see they were meant with the good intentions of someone who’d lost all hope. It’s not like Dean and I – hell, Cas too – haven’t done just as bad or worse.”

Sam snorted and Gabriel’s head rose again, curiosity sparking along with his shame. “Between the three of us, we all of us put the world in danger again because we thought we were doing the right thing. It’s all… shades of gray, and all we can do is the best we can and learn from our mistakes.”

“I mean, we only went after you that first time because people were getting hurt, but even  _ we  _ had to admit that some of them might have deserved it. Dean said it first, there was a sort of poetic justice to their punishments. But it was our job to stop monsters, not people. We just never realized that maybe some monsters weren’t what we were raised to believe.”

Sam dropped the forgotten wet wipe to the table. It was dark and gray instead of pristinely white, and Gabriel’s face was barely any cleaner. He pulled out a new one and reached out, still talking. “In the last decade or so, Dean and I… we’ve met some ‘monsters’ that are more human than the humans. We’ve learned better. But we made our fair share of mistakes along the way, even with good intentions. Far as I’m concerned, you’re a Winchester. You’re part of the family, mistakes and all.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened in shock. His mouth gaped open and he was once more eerily silent.

Sam’s heart ached at the look of devastated disbelief on Gabriel’s face. “Me, Dean, Cas… We’re all each other’s got, and sometimes, you gotta make your  _ own  _ family.”

The words, ‘ _ Family don’t end in blood _ ,’ floated up through Sam’s consciousness and he smiled wistfully at the memory of Bobby, the uncle that was more like a father to the Winchesters. “We’ve picked up more than a few strays and lost folks over the years. I don’t know if you’ll be welcome back up in Heaven, should you go. Cas doesn’t seem to be, despite  _ everything _ he’s tried to do for them. None of them seem to appreciate what they’ve got.”

Shaking his head, Sam made one last final swipe down Gabriel’s jaw with the wipe. This one was too dirty to continue, but Gabriel’s face was about half done. Progress that he could see, at least, even if Gabriel was still mostly stonily silent and wary. “But he’s always welcome here and, I think there’s room for one more. Despite the things you’ve done, or the things we’ve done, you’ve got a place here, if you want it.”

Gabriel’s face churned and twisted and Sam was shocked once more when a sob broke out, tears welling up in Gabriel’s eyes. Without thinking, Sam reached out to pull Gabriel in. This immortal, nearly all powerful being, was breaking down in front of him and shaking in his arms – it was heart wrenching and Sam couldn’t  _ not  _ give Gabriel the comfort he so sorely needed.

When was the last time Gabriel had had a kind word? Been shown any sort of love –  _ real _ love? Had a hug? Did angels even hug in their true forms?  _ Could  _ they? Well, whatever the angel equivalent of a real hug was… when was the last time he’d had one?

Even before they’d had their first run in with the trickster, Gabriel had been on his own for a long time. If the Bible and the calendar was to believed, he’d still been in Heaven 2000 years ago but how soon after the birth of Jesus had Gabriel departed?

How  _ long _ had he been alone?

Had his brothers and sisters believed him dead or had they tried hunting him down? Had they even cared? Was Gabriel the equivalent of the little boy running away from home  _ hoping  _ someone would notice?

Sam sat in the bunker with an armful of sobbing Archangel and wondered at his life. Wondered if Gabriel was broken beyond repair or if he could be helped.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry…” Gabriel babbled brokenly. He clutched at Sam’s shirt like a lifeline and maybe he was.

Gabriel wouldn’t be the first lost angel they’d taken in… Sam just had to hope it wasn’t too late to help him.

They sat that way a while before the sobs died down, but even still, Gabriel didn’t let go. If he needed the comfort that Sam could provide him, then he’d damn well give it. If nothing else, it served to distract Sam from his own worries, of which he had plenty.

When the entrance creaked open a few hours later, the soup long since gone cold, Gabriel jerked away from Sam and scrambled back, the fear returning to his face. Sam’s heart sunk as he realized that whatever progress had been made might have been lost due to the intrusion.

It was an intrusion he had asked for and was sorely grateful had finally arrived, but it was an intrusion nonetheless.

Footsteps echoed metallically through the bunker as they pattered down the stairs in a measured pace.

“Sam? Dean? I came as soon as I could. What’s going on? Why did you c – “ the steps paused, then resumed, now hurried. Cas’s voice turning from mild concern to barely contained panic. “Why is there a rift open in the bunker? What happened? Is every – “

Sam stood and turned to face Castiel and as he did, his body shifted enough to show Gabriel cowering behind him.

Castiel froze.

“Gabriel?” he asked incredulously.

Gabriel’s lips twitched and gave a shaky smile. “Hey, little bro,” he croaked.

“Gabriel, you’re alive!” Cas’s own mouth spread into a wide grin and he hurried forward. Gabriel squeaked and fell back.

For the second time in les than a minute, Cas froze again and Sam sighed.

“What’s wrong with him?” Cas asked suspiciously.

This time, Sam winced along with Gabriel. The Archangel pulled in on himself again, becoming a dirty lump huddling in his chair.

“Why don’t I reheat your soup? Then can you try and eat it? For me?” Sam pleaded hopefully. There was the barest of shrugs, but at least it was a response. Sam took it and picked up the tray. He carried it back into the kitchen and jerked his head at Cas to follow him.

As soon as they were out of sight – though Sam wasn’t entirely sure about earshot – Sam put the soup back in the microwave and turned to face Cas.

“Look, specifically? I don’t know. But I know where he’s been and… a little of the things he’s been through.” Running a hand through his hair, Sam sighed. “Dean and I got back from getting the seal to find Ketch here with gifts.”

“Gifts.” Castiel said. His tone was monotonous, his face stoic, but Sam could feel the disapproval in his words. He really did  _ not  _ like Ketch. Honestly, neither did Sam.

“Yeah. He rescued Gabriel from Asmodeus, figured he could use him to ingratiate himself here.”

“It worked.” Cas’s words were still flat.

Honestly, Sam wasn’t surprised at all by Cas’s dislike. He was pretty sure they’d all hated Ketch pretty much from the get go. What had surprised him was Dean’s easy acceptance of Ketch’s deal. He knew Dean didn’t like Ketch any more than Cas or Sam did. Had he been planning to take Ketch with him all along?

“Not really. Actually, Ketch is scared. He’s so scared, he went through the rift with Dean. I have a feeling, however successful Dean might be, Ketch won’t be coming back. Can’t get further away from your enemies than an entire dimension,” Sam said wryly. “Since that’ll keep him out of our hair, I’m good with that. I just don’t like…”

The microwave dinged as Sam talked. He carefully took the bowl out and set it back on the tray before turning to see Cas glaring at him. Sam stopped talking, eyes going wide.

_Damn,_ _Cas was_ ** _pissed_**.

“Dean went to the apocalyptic world… with  _ Ketch?”  _ Cas growled. “And you _ let him?” _

“Dude, I couldn’t even get him to agree to let  _ me  _ go with him. You think I can stop Dean?” Sam protested, picking up the tray and walking back out of the kitchen. Hopefully Gabriel would at least try to eat this time. Even if he didn’t need to. “You know how Dean is. Besides, there was no way I was leaving Gabriel by himself or with only Ketch around. I don’t think either of those is a good idea.”

Castiel followed Sam up the couple of steps separating the two rooms. “No, I agree. But I don’t have to like it.”

“I just… I still can’t believe he’s alive, you kn- Gabriel?” Sam blinked. The chair Gabriel had been sitting in was empty. His eyes swept the room even as he hurried to put the tray down on the table.

“You don’t think he…?” Cas trailed off and Sam followed his gaze to the rift that pulsed innocently on the other side of the room.

“I sure as hell hope not. We’d better search the bunker first. But uh… maybe you should stay here. I don’t like the idea of leaving  _ that _ unguarded. Who knows what could come through? Unless you want to look for Gabriel and I’ll stay here?” Sam itched to be the one to look. The bunker was where he and Dean lived, they knew it better than Cas and, so far, Gabriel had only talked for him.

No, that was wrong. He  _ had  _ greeted Cas, but then… Still, Cas was better suited, as an angel, to actually find Gabriel. He could probably hone in on Gabriel’s Grace faster than Sam could say  _ ‘so check this out’ _ .  Unless Gabriel was warded against just that. After all, if he were so easily found, well, would he have been in Asmodeus’s clutches to begin with?

Sam ran a hand down his face fretfully, stilling only when Cas placed a hand on his arm.

“You look for Gabriel. Call me if you need me. I’ll keep an eye on things here.” Cas’s voice was strained. Sam could tell, somehow (despite the poker face Cas often kept - something that slipped the longer he knew the Winchesters, or maybe they were just getting better at reading him) that Cas would rather be the one searching.

For whatever reason, though, he acceded that chore to Sam.

Nodding gratefully, Sam pulled away and hurried through the bunker, using the closest door and carefully giving the rift a wide berth, glad there were multiple entrances to most of the main rooms. The library was empty, left covered in papers and open books that Dean and he had left it in their search for clues of the Seal.

With every step further into the bunker he took, with every new door he opened to find yet another empty room behind it, the more Sam feared Cas’s theory was right.

What if Gabriel  _ had  _ gone through the rift?

But why would he do that? He’d be in even more danger there. Then again, the Archangel wasn’t thinking all that clearly. Sam knew how that was. A memory of his time in a psych ward flashed through his mind and he shivered. If it hadn’t been for Cas, there at the end, Sam would  _ still  _ be a drooling mess with swiss cheese for brains.

How long had Asmodeus had Gabriel? What had been done to the Archangel?

How on God’s green earth had a Prince of Hell overpowered an  _ Archangel _ ? There were too many mysteries to be unwrapped that day. Mysteries that may never be revealed at all if Gabriel never recovered.

Sam reached the end of the hall and stood at the intersection. Pausing, he looked both ways and grimaced. Whichever way he picked, he had a statistically higher chance of it being the wrong choice, despite it being 50/50. He’d read that somewhere before.  Or maybe it was the other way around. Never mind that now, he didn’t have time for this.  _ Gabriel _ didn’t have time for this.

He turned right.

A whimper caught his ear.

Followed by another.

He changed directions, turning left instead and following his ears.

Tentatively reaching out for the door handle, Sam took a fortifying breath and opened the door.

Gabriel crouched in a corner on the other side, as far from the door as he could get. He jolted and cringed when Sam carefully peered in. Immediately raising his hands, Sam stepped inside but stayed near the door.

“Just me, Gabriel. Just Sam. You want this room? We can make it yours if you want it. I can um, get you some clean clothes too, and show you where the shower is?” Sam talked gently, unsure how to proceed.

Gabriel shook his head frantically and curled up tighter. When the rocking started, Sam knew he was lost. For now, at least. Space. Maybe he should just give Gabriel some space?

He left the room, leaving the door open and went back to his own to gather some blankets and clothes, things he knew were clean and warm. He returned, knocking on the open door to make Gabriel aware that Sam had returned.

Gabriel didn’t even react.

Sam made up the bed, stripping old and dusty sheets off of it, Gabriel’s eyes eventually turning to track his every move.

Progress. That was progress. Sam would take it.

He shoved the old linens out the door with his feet and surveyed the room. “Okay, beds all set. Probably a lot more comfortable then the floor. I brought you clean clothes. I bet you’ll feel much better once you change.” Sam backed away reluctantly and hesitated at the door. “Look, if there’s anything you want, or need. Food, another hug, an ear to talk to… I’m here. Okay?”

No answer. Gabriel’s eyes had turned vacant again.

Sam slowly walked out of the room and back down the hall to the map room. He found Cas there, sitting at the table with the rift in good view, diligently watching, just as he had said he would.

Slumping into a chair beside Cas, Sam groaned.

“I think we’re in over our heads. Monsters? I know how to deal with. But this? I’m floundering here. I want to help him, but I have no idea what he  _ needs _ .” Sam slammed his hand down on the table in frustration. “All the things I’ve got in my arsenal… they’re  _ human  _ things,  _ human  _ needs. I don’t know how to tailor this stuff for an angel. I mean,” Sam gestured at Cas. “Look at you. You’re the only example of an angel we’ve got and I  _ know _ we’ve failed you.”

“Sam, you haven’t failed me, and you won’t fail my brother either. The compassion that both you and Dean show for strangers is something to be admired.” Cas frowned as Sam scoffed at his words. “I’m not joking. I’m also not saying that you haven’t made mistakes, or that you won’t make more in the future. But I rest easy knowing that your hearts are in a good place and I’m sure it will win out in the end.”

Cas placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I have faith.”

Sam looked away and shook his head. “That makes one of us.”

They both sat there for a while, silent.

Normally, silence was something that Sam would covet, Dean making it his brotherly duty to make obnoxious noises as often as possible. But this silence was unbearable, giving Sam all too much time to think about things he’d rather not think of, worry about the things he couldn’t currently do anything about.

He was grateful when Cas finally broke that silence.

“What if we fed him some of my Grace?”

Sam looked at Cas in horror, his mouth gaping open for a moment before he pulled himself together to protest.

“Cas! That’s insane!”

“Are you worried that my Grace would taint his, thus making it unusable should you need more for the spell?” Cas asked, his eyes hard as they bored into Sam’s.

“What? No! I’m mean, yeah, it’s a concern, but if it was the only concern we had, then I’d say screw it, and let Gabriel decide. But there are other reasons I think that’s a bad idea.”

“Oh?” the hardness in Cas’s eyes dialed back a little and Sam relaxed.

“Look, I want to help Gabriel too, but I don’t see how feeding him your Grace while he’s in the state that he’s in is going to help him. He’s practically catatonic. He’s barely speaking at all. What good will it do anyone if you weaken yourself to give him something he can’t even use?” Sam pointed out.

“Right, of course. I’m more useful to the cause with my mojo intact,” Cas said bitterly.

Sam let out an exasperated breath. “God. You and Dean and your self martyr complexes. Jesus Christ. No, Cas. That’s not what I mean. Look, if we were dealing with run of the mill monsters, and you were human, we’d sign you right up, hunter in training, no problem. But we’re not. Everyone needs to be on their toes and look, I just don’t think Dean will survive if he loses you again.”

Cas looked up at Sam sharply and Sam inhaled. He knew it. He knew Dean hadn’t admitted a damn thing to Cas. The way Cas had been acting…

“I almost lost Dean when we thought you were dead. It wasn’t like the other times. This was the worst I’ve ever seen him. You didn’t see that. You saw him happy. Well he was  _ happy  _ because you came  _ back! _ We don’t keep you around for your mojo, man, that’s just a bonus. And if you didn’t have it, we’d figure out a way around it. It’s  _ you _ that’s important.” Sam paused and pushed as much emphasis as he could on his next words. “ _ Especially  _ to Dean. So no, I don’t think now is a good time to do this. Maybe after the crisis is over, that’s your choice but…”

Neither of them spoke about how unlikely it was that they’d get a breather. Sam had said it to Dean just the other day. As soon as one crisis was averted, another always lay in its wake.

Sam was tired. So damn tired.

He could see Dean was too. And Cas. And with Gabriel here now…

Was the only way to stop death? Sam shoved back a shudder. No, he refused to believe that. There had to be a way out. There had to be some sort of line they could cross that allowed them to retire guilt free.

Didn’t there?

Cas nodded slowly. “You implied there were more reasons?”

“Yeah, yeah I did. Say if we did go through with it, say we did give Gabriel your Grace. It could kill him.” Sam held up his hand when Cas opened his mouth to protest and the angels mouth snapped back shut, waiting patiently. “I saw what it did to you, when you were chowing down on other angels’ Graces. I know it was self-defense, but it was still killing you, Cas. You weren’t falling, you were  _ dying.” _

“That was… different. Aside from the fact that the Grace was unwillingly given, Metatron took  _ all  _ of mine. I had no buffer when I consumed the strange Grace. If I’d have had even a residual of my own, it would have… diluted the detrimental effects.” Castiel explained.

“Huh,” Sam bit his lip, looking back across the room. Gabriel’s soup sat alone and still cooling on the table. He should probably throw that out now. “So… it might actually help.”

He turned back to Castiel. “I’m still not sure it’s a good idea. I had three reasons, and we’ve only assuaged one.”

A furtive sound caught their ears and both Sam and Cas’s heads whipped around to see Gabriel standing awkwardly in the doorway wearing Sam’s too large clothes. But his hair was wet and he was clean. The Archangel shuffled uncertainly forward, holding himself tightly as he did so. His bare feet just barely poked out from under the pooled fabric of the sweat pants as he walked closer, shaking his head.

Breathing hard, as if he’d run a marathon, Gabriel spoke. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” Sam repeated, exchanging glances with Castiel. “Don’t what?”

“No Grace,” Gabriel croaked. “Don’t want it.”

He edged towards the table, his glance flicking towards the abandoned bowl and back again. Sam leaped up.

“I’ll make you something fresh. Why don’t the… two of you talk?” Sam looked desperately between the angels and made his escape, grabbing the tray. He dumped it as soon as he got to the kitchen and rooted around for something fresher, something that would work as comfort food.

Even if Gabriel didn’t actually need it for sustenance, it could only help, right?

Finally finding a can of soup that had been hiding behind Dean’s beer, Sam pulled it out and opened it. As soon as the microwave was started, he tiptoed back up the stairs to peer around the corner as unobtrusive as someone his size could be.

He found Cas kneeling besides Gabriel who was huddled in the same chair as before, his feet curled underneath him and his fingers flexing spastically where they clutched at himself. His eyes were still wary and haunted.

Sam felt a sudden surge of anger towards God.

Only, what? A year ago? They’d asked Chuck about Gabriel and what had he said? That he couldn’t bring back Gabriel because Archangels were made of different stuff – primordial forces of the universe, or something - and they didn’t have the time for that.

_ But Gabriel hadn’t even been dead! _

How hard would it have been, before the showdown with Amara that left Chuck weak and dying, to have snapped Gabriel out of Asmodeus clutches? Exactly the way he had when Sam had gone on a rescue mission with Donatello and Metatron to get Lucifer (and therefore Cas) out of her hands?

Maybe Gabriel wasn’t  _ in  _ Asmodeus control at the time? No, that didn’t make sense either. Gabriel still would not have been dead and would have, in fact, been perfectly available. There would have been no reason at all for Chuck to  _ not  _ bring him in when it was literally an all hands on deck situation.

So… why hadn’t he?

“So help me, if I ever see you again, Chuck, I will be giving you a piece of my mind,” Sam muttered, casting his eyes to the ceiling.

Chuck probably wasn’t even listening.

Well, screw him.

They’d forge their own path forward, as they’d always done before.

They were Winchesters, all of them. Not just Dean, but Cas and Claire, Donna and Jody and all the other people they’d picked up along the way.

Gabriel now, too.

Who needed God when they had each other?

 


	2. Extending a Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam watches over Gabe, trying to convince the Archangel of the sincerity of his offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I don't know how much more of this I will write (i'm not seeing anything for the foreseable future as a continuation just yet) I'm trying to make sure each 'chapter' can be read as a stand alone. In either case, I hope you enjoy...
> 
> Also, i have NOT seen tonights episode... (thats next on my to do list) And for THIS Coda continuation, I rewrote the ending of the LAST episode, though its more of a brief mention here. Because I wanted to.

Sam jerked awake, his heart beating hard and his eyes darting about the room, searching for the source of his disturbance. Even as he did, he chided himself. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep.

A whimper came from the bed. Gabriel had curled up on his side sometime in the last few hours and now he lay there shaking. He must have been what woke Sam. Was Gabriel having a nightmare?

But no – Archangels didn’t sleep.

A chill ran through Sam, a memory of the days leading up to the final confrontation of their first apocalypse – and how sad was it that he could number them? – when Cas had been slowly falling. Dean had at first thought it adorable, Cas feeling comfortable enough to fall asleep in the Impala as they drove, until Sam had pointed out that angels didn’t need to sleep.

Dean’s face had morphed swiftly into one of horror before shutting it away and Sam could feel an echo of it slide across his own face.

Archangels didn’t need sleep… but how much Grace did Gabriel even have left?

How close to fallen  _was_ he?

What nightmares must be lurking in Gabriel’s dreams now that he was subject to the whims of sleep and his own subconscious?

Sam rose and tiptoed over to Gabriel, debating the wisdom of waking him up. It would break him out of whatever nightmare he was reliving, but it could also set him off. And even a powered down angel – never mind a powered down  _archangel_ \- could be dangerous to Sam’s health.

Even if Gabriel didn’t mean him any harm. Accidents could happen.

He should probably call Cas to wake Gabriel.

No. Cas had his own worries added on top of everything else and he was glued to the map room – and the rift still glowing and pulsing away with its foreboding, orange light - with anxious eyes.

Sam wouldn’t intrude on that.  Not that he wanted to leave the rift unguarded anyway.

Gabriel let out another whimper and Sam muttered, “screw it.”

He’d take whatever consequences on his head. He knelt beside the bed and gently shook Gabriel’s arm, all while talking softly.

“Gabriel? Gabe, hey, wake up…You’re safe now, remember? Just a dream-“ or a memory - “You’re gonna be okay.”

Gabriel jerked up and back with a gasp, nearly falling out of the other side of the bed with his abrupt motion.

Sam quickly rocked back on his heels and held up his hands, as non-threatening as he knew how to be.

“Hey, hey – you’re safe,” he repeated, hoping he could break through to Gabriel.

Gabriel stared blankly at him, breathing hard.

Sam continued to kneel unmoving by the bed, despite the ache in his knees that it caused. He kept talking but he didn’t think anything was getting through other than the calmness he was trying to project through his voice. It must be working though. Gabriel’s breathing slowed. Sam kept talking.

He was startled to a stop when Gabriel’s now rusty voice rasped out, “Giving me pet names now, Samsquatch?”

“What?” Sam blinked.

“You called me Gabe. Now, I’ve been called many things in my existence – most of them not so friendly – but no one has ever dared to talk to me in such a familiar manner,” Gabe pointed out, uncurling, though he still trembled a little.

Sam shrugged. “Maybe someone should. Gabe… how long have you been alone? Even before…” Sam gestured at Gabe. The clothes he wore were clean but definitely not the Archangels style. His skin was clean, but his hair was still longer than Sam had ever seen it, wild and unruly. The wounds from the stitching on his lips remained – Gabriel hadn’t allowed Cas to heal them and Sam hadn’t been able to determine if this was due to lack of Grace or some perverse desire to remind himself of what had happened.

Or maybe he was punishing himself. He’d seen Dean do shit like that.

Gabriel shrugged, unwilling to answer. He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around himself looking so small and lost that Sam’s heart broke. Even the first time they’d met when Gabriel was trying to fit in and fly under the radar, he’d still exuded this presence so grand that he had literally felt larger than life.

It was rare for Sam to realize how much shorter the Archangels physical vessel was than him, and a shock every time he did realize it.

It grated on Sam in ways he’d never thought it could, seeing Gabriel like this. Despite his own words to Cas about the wisdom of Gabriel taking the pieces of his Grace back, Sam couldn’t help but wonder if maybe they should offer it out again.

But then, Gabe had said no.

He hadn’t explained why. He’d simply said no, then like the dutiful son he never was, he ate the soup Sam had given him before retreating once more into the room he’d chosen.

Sam had been here watching over him ever since.

“Gabe, why don’t you want your Grace?” Sam asked, thinking of Rowena and what she’d admitted. How she wanted to unlock her true power so she could stand up to Lucifer, so she’d never have to feel helpless again.

He could understand that.

“I’m not ready for it,” Gabriel said softly, looking away from Sam.

“Not ready?” Sam inquired.

“Grace can be traced, Samsquatch,” Gabe frowned at him. “And I’m just… not ready to face Asmodeus yet.”

“Ah, shit, Gabe – I didn’t even think of that.” Sam remembered Cas extracting the last of Gadreel’s Grace for just that same reason. He should have known better. How good would the wards be against not only a prince of hell, but a jumped up one at that?

Sam and Cas both had promised to keep Gabe safe, but really, without the colt or the lance or any number of other rare things, what chance did they have against another nightmare of Sam’s youth – the yellow eyed demon.

And that wasn’t counting whatever emotional and mental trauma Gabe was working through. It wouldn’t be small, Sam was sure.

“It’s okay. Not easy being the smartest one in the room, but somehow, I’ll make do,” Gabriel said with the ghost of his old smirk twitching about his lips before it died away.

Sam snorted at witnessing Gabriel’s normal personality and bravado peeking through, however short lived. Although…

Once, Sam would have said Gabe was an arrogant, confident son of a bitch… sense of justice or not… but how much of that was cover and bluster?

Sort of like Dean, he suddenly realized. The past couple of years, he’d seen sides of Dean he hadn’t known existed. Things that Dean had always protested wasn’t him and yet was.

Was what he was seeing the real Gabriel? His defenses cracked and open, showing the broken, insecure mess that he was?

How long had he been running away before he ever actually physically ran away?

How long had Dean been doing the same? Sam had once joked that Gabriel and Dean had a similar sense of humor, even if Gabriel took things too far. How alike _were_ Dean and Gabriel?

It was an uncomfortable thought. He’d always thought of Gabriel as having a lot more in common with himself than his brother. Gabriel had once said the brothers were meant to be mirrors to Heaven. The roles they’d been picked for had a sort of cruel symmetry.

What if Lucifer and Michael weren’t the only Archangels the Winchesters’ had commonality with?

It was an interesting – and frankly, frightening - train of thought, but Sam didn’t know what to do with that fact, so he pushed it aside. There were more immediate concerns to deal with, and Gabriel’s current state of being was one of them, and the only one he could do anything about right now. Dean was off dealing with the rest (he hoped).

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” Sam asked, unsure of what to do, what to offer that could even help someone as powerful as an Archangel, even if Gabe wasn’t so all powerful anymore. Someone who’d been alive so long, had probably seen and done so much that Sam couldn’t even comprehend.

“Not much to tell,” Gabe snorted, turning his face away. He still shook and he made as if to curl up on himself yet again, but held back with a deep grounding breath, closing his eyes.

“You don’t have to watch over me, you know,” he gritted out. “I’m not a suicide risk or anything. Or are you just trying to make sure your prized Grace cow doesn’t run away again?”

“What?” Sam recoiled. Hadn’t they already been through this? Hadn’t they already resolved the issue? Hadn’t he assured Gabe that’s not how he or Cas felt? “I told you - you’re family.”

“Family. Right,” Gabe said bitterly. “Like that’s worked out sooooo well for me in the past.”

“Gabe?” Sam finally rose from his knees and reached out toward Gabriel where he perched on the bed.

Before Sam’s hand could make contact with Gabriel, Gabe stood up and faced Sam, keeping the bed between them, fists clenched at his side and fury on his face.

“My father abandoned us! Abandoned me!” Sam winced at the anger and despair in Gabe’s voice, in his eyes. He hadn’t mentioned their run in with Chuck just yet. How he’d abandoned Gabe once more to whatever straits he’d been in – most likely Asmodeous – and he wasn’t sure if he should. How would it make the situation any better?

Then again, he didn’t want there to be any lies between them. Before Sam could finish processing the thought, before he could decide what to do about that information, Gabe kept going. The mostly silent archangel finally seeming to come alive.

But the words he spoke… Sam ached for Gabe.

“My own brother killed me! So what if he got a fake?  _He_ thought it was real! Michael dismissed me as useless to his cause and good old Raph just plain old dissed me. And that was my own flesh and blood, so to speak.” Gabriel started pacing furiously, hands gesticulating wildly, pausing now and again to run through his already wild and unkempt hair.

“Wanna know how Asmodeus got his hands on me? From the family I found – the one I _made_ with the other gods! They betrayed me, Sam! They. Betrayed. Me!” he broke into sobs and Sam quickly rounded the end of the bed and drew Gabriel into his arms.

Gabriel put up a token resistance before collapsing into Sam’s embrace.

Between choked sobs. “My blood family, my chosen one – all of them Sam. How can I trust that you and Dean and Cas wouldn’t just be the same? You said it yourself. You need me. Not for _me_ but for my Grace. That’s my only worth to anyone anymore. Well, I’m all done with that. I won’t be a tool, Sam. I’m not a weapon!”

“You had no problem turning me into one,” Sam noted. “Or did you have no idea what we’d… what  _I’d_ have to do to enact your plan?”

Gabriel drew away, wrapping his arms around himself.

Sam sighed. “Not that I’m blaming you. It was the best of a bad situation. It was really the only way we had then to end everything.”

“I really didn’t mean to make you sacrifice yourself, Sam,” Gabe whispered. “You gotta believe me. I just wanted it over. I didn’t want my family’s legacy hanging over my head anymore, forcing my actions. There are things I have done, Sam, things I regret immensely, all done in my family’s name. I just wanted it over.” Gabriel choked once more, dropping to sit at the end of the bed, shaking again.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Sam said with a long sigh, settling in beside Gabe. “I’m… I’m tired. So’s Dean. We’ve been wondering… when does it end? When do we ever get to stop and just… be ourselves? These past few years, hell since the Apocalypse, it’s just been one grand catastrophe after another. You’re not alone. Maybe… maybe together we can stop it and finally get some sort of peace?”

“I already know I can’t do this without my family. I’ve seen what I’ll turn into if I do. I can’t be that person again,” Sam said quietly, but adamantly.

Gabriel winced and Sam wondered if he was also remembering the events of the mystery spot and after. _Was that one of the things he regretted?_

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Gabriel whispered

“Don’t be. I was mad for a long time but… even though that wasn’t the lesson you meant for me to learn, I _did_ learn an important one. I learned something important about myself. About what I’d become without family. I don’t ever want to be that person again. So bloody single-minded and cold.” Sam shuddered.

“Dean was mad at me for so long because I ‘ran away’ when he was stuck in purgatory.”

Gabriel startled and mouthed ‘ _Purgatory?’_ Guess that answered Sam’s earlier question of how far along he’d gotten in filling Gabriel in. He definitely hadn’t mentioned Chuck, then.

“But to be honest, we’d lost _everyone,_ Gabe. I thought Dean was dead. Cas too. Bobby sure as hell was and we’d lost Rufus the year before when…” Sam shook his head. “The people we had left? We just weren’t close. They weren’t the kinds of people I wanted to be hunting with, though they were excellent hunters – for the most part.”

Sam paused and huffed out an embarrassed laugh. “I’m sorry. We’re getting a little off track, Gabe. Well, I am, anyway. This isn’t helping anything. Just… you know it’s okay to need people? That sometimes you can find the strength to keep doing the things that need doing because we all have each other’s backs?”

“I’m not saying we won’t screw up, cause heaven and hell both know we Winchesters are not perfect. We’ve made so many goddamn mistakes and bad decisions because we thought we had no other choice… but I mean what I say, Gabe. Yes, we’d love your help. But if you fell tomorrow and your Grace was no longer even an option? You’d still be welcome here. I’ll tell you that as often as I need to, till you believe us.”

“You can’t know that,” Gabe protested, his voice choking once more. “Dean wouldn’t – and Cas… I abandoned him too… they’d never… they couldn’t possibly want me here. You’re deluding yourself.”

“Look, Gabe, you’re an ass, but so’s Sam. And I ain’t kickin’ him out. You’re _our_ ass. Makes you family.”

Sam’s head shot up and over, Gabriel’s gaze following, both of them finding Dean standing in the doorframe. Sam had left the door open so Gabriel wouldn’t feel trapped and that had apparently allowed Dean to sneak up on them.

“Dean?” Sam stood up hurriedly. “You’re back?”

Dean held up a hand, his eyes never leaving Gabe. Sam looked back to find Gabe had once more shrunk in on himself, his eyes looking almost fearful. _Of Dean?_

“Basically, you can stay as long as you want, okay? Keep this room. Been thinkin’ of replacing the numbers on all our rooms with names anyway. Think I might make it a project. Me, you, Sam and Cas, mom and Jack. And a few rooms for guests…” Dean shook his head. “Make yourself at home. It’s not the homiest place to ever home, but home is where you make it. And I make it with my family and my friends.”

Gabriel’s mouth opened and closed a few times. He looked at Sam, then Dean again and swallowed, trying again. “What about… what about Cas? Doesn’t he get a say about… about me staying?” Gabriel croaked.

“Already has. Who do you think caught me and everyone else up when we got back from our mission?” Dean knocked on the door and stepped back, his face breaking out into a grin as Sam parsed his words. “Don’t stay in here too long guys. I making a welcome home dinner.”

Dean disappeared and Sam stared after him for a moment, watching his brothers’ easy steps.

Welcome home dinner.

The mission had been successful!

Sam felt giddy as anything as he turned back to Gabriel, opening his mouth to ask if he wanted to join them, if he was ready for that. So many emotions were flitting over Gabriel’s face too fast to really identify, but Sam thought he’d caught disbelief and wariness, and maybe even hope.  

His heart lightened a little as he watched Gabe coming to term with all the things Sam had said, and those that Dean had added. That seed of hope was a good sign.

It might take a long time for Gabriel to trust anyone again, but this was a start.

Speaking gently, Sam held out his hand for Gabe to take. “C’mon. You ready to meet our small, dysfunctional family?”

Gabriel looked down at Sam’s hand, biting his lip before slowly reaching out to take it.

A _very_ good start.

 

 


End file.
